Do You Have a Life Team? Here's Why You Need One

I met this week with a young couple going through some relationship troubles. Trust was broken. Both wanted to restore it.

The issues they were dealing with, though big in their eyes at the moment, were quite normal of young love. The problem, I told them, is how easily these troubles could come back in much bigger and more hurtful ways if they don’t attend to them now.

So we put a plan together to rebuild trust moving forward. What I came to realize is the lack of “good company”[i] both of them had in their lives, a source of the broken trust to begin with. Their plan began with putting 3-4 trusted advisers in their lives that they can share anything with—a Life Team.[ii]

We all need one.

Jesus had it. When he was in agony and deeply distressed, he called on Peter, James, and John to be with him.[iii]

When Adam was alone with God in perfect union before sin entered the world, it was not good that he was alone. [iv] 

Why is this so important? Being a great leader, spouse, and parent begins by understanding we were created in a system built on the foundation of relationships. We are not the source of life to ourselves. It’s not good for any one person to try and go about life alone.

The most powerful weapon you have is your ability to reach out to others to get the fuel you need to keep your loving engine going.

So what is a Life Team?[v]

A Life Team is a team of 3-8 people in your life who you can turn to and share anything with—without condemnation.

These are people who love you as you are, but they love you enough to not leave you that way.

My wife, Christi, has a group of women friends she depends on. They meet once a week. And she needs it. She’s a mom who deals with a toddler whose screams could peel paint off a wall. She’s a wife, but also writes and runs a business with me. Trying to balance it all is exhausting. She needs others.

So do I. My life team is made of friends locally and living at a distance. My goal is to connect with all of them at least once a month. Some I meet with weekly, others bi-weekly. They are husbands and fathers who support me, and I them, with complete transparency, grace, and honesty.

Many of you are currently in a season of life trying to keep paint on the walls. Nursing infants, wrangling toddlers, or detaining teenagers (before the authorities get them first). 

Others of you are in dating relationships or marriages where you need a team of others around you to breathe life into you and provide relational accountability in ways your significant other cannot.

Who are your Peter, James, and John?

Begin today by making a list of who could be, or is on your Life Team. You need others to fill your gas tank of love so you can be the best spouse and parent you can be at home.[vi]

If you have any questions or comments about your Life Team, please let us know.

Joshua Straub, Ph.D. is an advocate for families and parenting in the 21st century. He loves coming alongside families to provide encouragement, support and practical counsel. Josh specializes in combining the scientific research with biblical wisdom to provide the best-of-all-worlds perspective on raising stellar kids, having an awesome marriage and living a full life. He is the coauthor of God Attachment and The Quick Reference Guide to Counseling Teenagers. Together with his favorite writing partner and wife, Christi, Josh is working on raising his own baseball team, starting with their son Landon. For more encouragement and ideas on marriage and parenting in the 21st century you can join Josh and a growing tribe of awesome families at and follow him on Twitter @joshuastraub or Facebook.

[i] Paul tells us, “Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33

[ii] This principle is highly emphasized by Cloud-Townsend Ultimate Leadership. You can also read the book Safe People to understand more clearly who should be on your Life Team.

[iii] Matthew 26:37

[iv] Genesis 2:18

[v] Cloud, H. & Townsend, J. (2009). Safe people. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.