Good Morning, Friend!

Before we jump in I just wanted to send a gentle reminder that special pricing for Tender & Fierce ends tomorrow, June 28. Save by registering today!

 Here's what one alum said from the last cohort: 

"This experience was unlike any I’ve ever had before! The way Christi gently led us through each session was Spirit-led and spoke directly to my soul. I see my emotional world so differently, and have become more in tune with things that I was not aware were causing me to remain in a life of stress and overwhelm. I am so grateful!"

How Marriage Saves Us

Joshua Straub

Christi and I celebrated 14 years of marriage yesterday. As part of the celebration, we received heartfelt text messages from our family and beautiful notes from our friends. 

Words matter to me. As a writer, I want to choose my words carefully and not be flippant with what I say. I want what I share to mean something. 

Picking up dinner for the kids before our date night, I have a few minutes to sit in my truck alone outside the pizza shop and respond to our family’s group text.

I write, “It’s by God’s grace I found such an amazing woman.” 

Is it true? Yes. 

Is it truly hitting the nerve of how I feel? Nope. 

Delete. 

I write again. “I’m more in awe of my wife everyday.” 

Is it true? Most days. 

Still not exactly what I’m feeling. 

Delete. 

I close my eyes and sit in the moment, trying to grab the words that best communicate what I feel. 

The truth is that I’m more in love with Christi today than I’ve ever been. But it’s for reasons I can’t put into words or even explain. 

It’s deeper than I ever imagined love could be. Though we’re just getting started at 14 years, this love is beyond the infatuated love of the honeymoon phase.

Speaking of the honeymoon phase, who even were we when we got married? I had no idea who Christi was. She had no idea who I was. Good grief, looking back, I didn’t even know who I was!

Sitting there I was reminded of what Lewis Smeades wrote in his 1983 article called Controlling the Unpredictable: The Power of Promising. He writes, “When I married my wife, I had hardly a smidgen of sense for what I was getting into with her. How could I know how much she would change over 25 years? How could I know how much I would change? My wife has lived with at least five different men since we were wed—and each of the five has been me.”

Christi has certainly lived with a few different men. All of them me, of course. 

And I have lived with a few different women. All of them her. 

As I open my eyes and stare at the white cement wall of the pizza shop, my mind begins to go through the pain that got us to where we are today. The time I told Christi, “I just want my wife back.” The time she told me, “I don’t like this version of you. It makes all of us feel unstable.” 

With this thought, I go to write something honoring of Christi, how she has persevered, healed, and become the woman she is today. 

“I admire Christi’s resilience and the way she fights…” 

Is that true? Yes. 

But that will take too long to explain. 

Delete.

I then think about how I too have healed through the years. Our marriage becoming a microcosm of relentless commitment to the other, regardless of how off-course we find ourselves individually. 

I don’t think we could be where we are without each other.

Two people committed to a promise they made 14 years earlier. 

I don’t think we could be where we are without our families.
The parents and siblings who made the first promises to care for us before we even met. 

And I certainly don’t think we could be where we are without the Lord.

A Father who made a promise thousands of years earlier to forgive and save each of the false versions Josh and Christi would become throughout their marriage. 

An article I highly recommend reading, Smeades concludes, “As I search the pages of redemptive history for the moral essence of God's character, what comes to me is this: God is, par excellence, in the character he reveals, the One who creates for us a new past and a new future by forgiving and promising. And as I read the pages of human experience, I think I see here and there mere men and women sharing in God's life to this creative extent: they create a new past for themselves by forgiving people who have hurt them and they create a future for others by making promises to people who need them. As I see it, there are subtle miracles of human freedom. The neglect of them in our time may hasten disaster. Renewal of our power to practice them may yet save us.”

Christi has forgiven all of the pathetic versions of me. 

I have forgiven all of the pitiful versions of her.

And in some subtly miraculous way, our marriage is saving both of us. 

By forgiving.

And promising. 

And because of that, marriage just seems to keep getting better.

So I begin to type, honoring the ones who first forgave and kept their promises to us. 

“Thank you, fam! Thank you for all of the ways that you love and champion and support us! It seems each year just keeps getting better and better!” 

Send.  

Easier? 

Nah. Forgiveness takes courage. 

Better? 

Absolutely. The promise is setting us free. 

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Read and Meditate: Read Revelation 19:1-9. What stands out to you in this passage? Imagine yourself at the marriage supper of the Lamb. What will this be like? 

Prayer: Father, search me and know me. Show me any unforgiveness in me toward my spouse (or other family member). Give me the courage to forgive. Give me the strength to keep my promises. And through my forgiving and promising, set our hearts free. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Takeaway Question: What is the Lord asking me to do after today's reading and prayer?

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PS. One last reminder that the special pricing deadline for Tender & Fierce is tomorrow, June 28!

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